FBI Most Wanted and Missing People/Things

Neil Diamond Missing since the prehistoric days If you see him, do not call us -- RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!

Mister Rogers If you see him, please tell him to PLEASE call King Friday. It's URGENT.

He was last seen in this picture, posing with his weapon -- "Miss Elaine" on the Barney's t.v. show set.

Martha Stewart Yea Martha, this is not "a good thing," come home, and come home NOW Martha.

Rick James Okay, don't bother, we don't really wanna find him either.

Is he barefoot????

Now, this abuser must be found right away. It has burned down Betsy Barker's house and is VERY RUDE!!!! If you see this thing coming, get to the nearest phone and dial 911. He is known to be armed and dangerous. Please do not take your well-being for granted, or else you'll end up in a tent like Betsy, making really stupid web pages like this.

Erik Estrada, Um, is anybody looking for him?

Tinky Winky

The MAGCCOTAA (Ministers Against Gay Children's Cartoons On Television Around America) is offering a $20,000 reward for this little purple guy. I wonder what they're going to do with him? Hmmmmm.

Is he really holding a PURSE?????????

Jerry Falwell's new ad!!!!!

Barney Fife and Mr. Limpet. We're hearing rumors that they are one in the same. Say it ain't so!

My book on the Complete Cow. This is what it looked like. I want it back. If you have it, call me.

Sister Maria Theresa Alonsa Matilda Goldberg. She's wanted for the killing of the designer of the nun's habit. She's dangerous!

If you see these people or things, please shoot them on sight! They do not deserve to live.

Poll of my site visitors:

Who do you dislike the MOST?

35.5%. . . Newt Gingrich

24.8%. . . O. J. Simpson

16.7%. . . Kathie Lee Gifford AH HA!!!!

12.9%. . . Hillary Rodham Clinton

10.1%. . . The Unabomber

8% . . . . Barney

Nuff said........ She needs to go.

(Actually, we were just kidding about Rick James. I love Rick James)

If you see any of these people (besides Neil Diamond, Mr. Rogers, Martha Stewart, Rick James, Erik Estrada, Mr. Furley, that limpet thing, that nun, OJ, Barney, or UGGGGG, Kathi Lee) please call 1-888-What-An-Idiot and talk to Sylvia. She'll help you.


Thought for Today: If a tree falls in the forest on a Mime, does anybody care?

The opinions expressed on this page do not belong to anyone, so you cannot sue a non-entity if you are offended.

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