"Furbies Move To Suburbs Of Boston And Create Havoc" Boston Globe Magazine

A reputable source in a Boston suburb has informed us that a swarm of Furbies bought a condo complex just outside of Boston and are creating havoc in the neighborhood. They party until all hours of the night and don't empty their trash. Our informant squealed on their other bad habits:


1. They hide dairy products in inaccessible places around our library, post office, etc. You can imagine the stench when a week or two goes by!!!!!

2. They have squirreled away orange traffic cones from the highway department and every week, reroute traffic along major routes.

3. When someone is sitting peacefully reading a newspaper on a park bench, they approach and mumble the headlines over their shoulders.

4. They attempt to drive rental cars, and always leave the left blinker on.

5. They tell long, complicated jokes and then when they're supposed to get to the punch line, say, Sorry, GOTTA GO!!!!!

6. They constantly sing songs that remain burned on your brain, like Feliz Navidad and the Mister Rogers theme song.

7. When a rather large person backs up, they make beeping noises.

8. They sit on their front lawn with a blow dryer and see how many cars they can get to slow down.

9. They wear too much cologne.

10. They mow their lawns with scissors.

11. They go to the local pizza parlor and play the same song on the jukebox OVER AND OVER.

12. They scuff their feet on any carpet they can find and then find victims.

13. They tape over rental video tapes with "It's a Wonderful Life" but leave out the ending.

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